They say words can change the world but what if we write the same words all over again?

This year was something completely different than expected. I remember that in the beginning of the year we had big plans and things started finally shaping and moving forward. Then we were locked in our apartment. We were lucky to be able to work from home and continue working. Just like everyone else, we had to try to find new ways of doing things. Structured days became a routine and made days go faster. Being locked at home made me think about time and freedom in a different way.

Once freedom was taken away I started to value it more. I will never forget the feeling of going out for a walk after a heavy lock down. I’ve taken many things in my life for granted without even realising it. Freedom and time are limited, and those things can be taken from you, so you should appreciate them when you have them. It doesn’t mean that you can’t sometimes feel that things are too complicated and impossible to overcome.

It might seem like I’ve strayed away from my main point, but these things are connected, how is being locked inside your home and realising limitations in life related to words and language?

Well, I decided that I will no longer be locked inside, and this includes not being locked inside myself. I live in a country where I arrived with no knowledge of the language whatsoever, I was only able to say hello and thank you at first, so things have been sometimes challenging. Learning to be myself and express myself in Spanish has not been an easy task. Of course Barcelona is a very international city and you’ll be able to survive here with English, but you don’t want to miss the opportunity to learn a new language and new side of yourself.

Words and learning how to express yourself is a hard lifelong process. I was at my friend’s birthday party a couple of weeks ago and for the first time I was truly able to participate in the conversation in Spanish. Of course my Spanish is not perfect and it probably never will be but I was trying my best and it felt really good. I’m not a quiet person but everyone who doesn’t have the vocabulary to speak will become one. Learning words includes crazy amount of patience and hours of listening. Learning to be patient has definitely been my biggest challenge in 2020. Patience in not getting upset about the things you have no control over and patience towards yourself in those moments when you don’t have it.

But for the first time I’ve felt that the new collection of words are slowly changing me and it feels good. I remember being frustrated about words but now I thank them because I’m able to get to know these people around me. I’ve known them the whole time but there has always been limitations between us and there probably will be. It hasn’t been easy to accept and sometimes I felt endless amount of hate towards words because I think I will never learn them. Also the feeling of not being able to understand or being understood has sometimes been hard. But in the end I’m grateful for those feelings and I would never switch them for anything because they have made me the person I am today.  They also forced me to find new ways to express myself. I simply couldn’t rely on words, because many times I didn’t have them.

Now, when my head is a mixture of languages all the time, I think languages have taught me to understand that there are many ways to see and talk about this world. The fact that the things that surround us have so many meanings and you can describe things with so many different names is fascinating. To be honest, sometimes it’s also better not to try to understand everything, it’s mission impossible. Sometimes misunderstanding words can lead you into crazy situations where thankfully, the one to blame in the end is the lack of vocabulary. Also you’ll understand, that you can say or do things in so many ways but yours may not always be the only, or the right one. There’s a high possibility that you’ll find yourself in a situation where you wish that you could steal a word from another language because you can’t find one in yours.

To be able to take on the road you’re travelling, I recommend asking the question “why” many times on the way because that question can lead you to the roots of understanding and willing to learn new things.

– Eeva –